First Farmers Market Of The Season

This year the weather was really pleasant, although there were threatening storm clouds. The farmers market is a few blocks from where I live and it’s been convenient for me to go the during the last five years I’ve lived in this city.

I got there a few hours after it began and as usual, most of the produce was gone. I did get some scallions, which I use a lot of. Also some gluten-free blueberry muffins. They were delicious. Unfortunately, the good packaging the four of them were in is wasteful but there are food safety laws.

There were lots of people there–it has become a place to see and be seen and groups of people stand right in the street aisles and talk. Today I didn’t feel grumpy about the human obstacles.

There are signs up all over by order of the health department for everyone to leave their dogs at home but there are always, always dogs there. They are well-socialized and adorable.

There were the usual overheard remarks from ex-Californians about how the markets in their former state are real farmers markets.

There was a boy who has been working at one of the produce stands I’ve purchased from the last five years. He seems to have grown a foot taller over the winter and has interesting facial hair now. He can’t be considered a boy any more and looks like a hottie—if I may say so.

The political activists were out working for a recall in the area of education. That is quite a passionate subject here.

Something new—there is a veggie valet booth where folks can have their heavy items held for awhile as they continue to shop. Parking is tricky here and I’m glad I live close by.

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Outside of My Comfort Zone

O.K., I said I was going to blog Monday, Wednesday and Fridays instead of the post-a-day-thing. Yes, today is Thursday. I am making choices here and it isn’t like a lot of people read this, although I do appreciated the few who do.

I am “middle-aged” and I’m learning new things, fortunately by choice. It means I get disoriented, confused and frustrated. Everything new I want is outside of my comfort zone right now–and I’m going for it. I can explain it for myself but don’t have the energy to write about the details here here.

Some people my age have to be forced by necessity to make changes out of the status quo box. I have always been restless at some point–I am not a descendant of immigrants to plant myself somewhere safe and stay there forever.

My mind has been stretched beyond the habit of posting here everyday. I like reading a few of the blogs here—some regularly and then checking out some new freshly pressed ones. So, I am not going anywhere but it may be awhile before I have something report-worthy.

Ditching the Postaday

There are other things I want to do than force myself to keep a commitment I made last winter when I was tired and it was too cold to go out limping around on the ice. It has been with careful thought that I am changing my mine and frankly I almost forget to post sometimes because I am engaged in something else and then remember late in the evening.

When I have something I need to say, I will post. Otherwise I think I will go for three times a week—Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I am limiting my television watching and other internet time also. Unless I feel morose and crappy and want to check out for awhile. What I am talking about here are daily habits. Going into default mode.

Words cannot describe how fatigued I used to get and wanting to have as much a life as possible, the interwebs was about all I could manage other than the basics. It isn’t the life I aspire to though. So I will give this an experimental try.

See you on Wednesday.

Late Sunday

I almost forgot about this blog today. It was beautiful spring weather and I’ll choose outdoors over indoors on the computer any day.

There were spring flowers in many places and the trees are blooming. And-knock-on-wood, I am not sneezing. It was very warm in my apartment but the fuzzy young birds are hanging out on my window sill and I don’t want to get a screen or have the birds in my apartment.

This morning I got paperwork done and honestly, my mind is very blank and relaxed. I have a private LiveJournal account where I write details so I can keep track of how much better I’m doing. Three years ago I was more dead than alive. It’s incremental improvements in my health and I’ve earned them. And I love it when I have no worries—like right now. Worry doesn’t help anything and I know just stopping is easier said than done.

Saturday

Multi-tasking–not my best way to do things but I’m doing it today.

The peregrine falcons have two eggs now. The mother doesn’t sit on the eggs all the time yet and there may be one or two more in the next few days.

My spindly little basil plants are still doing O.K. When I clip a few leaves so they won’t topple over, I put them on top of the individual gluten-free pizzas I bake. It’s cool.

I haven’t finished watching the Edwardian Farm videos and am still wanting to get back to them.

And the ice cream I mentioned a few days ago—I tried the Late Night Snack flavor and the Red Velvet Cake flavor, (which I really liked), and now I won’t eat ice cream for a long time again because I don’t really do dairy. When I do, I usually go for chocolate.

So it’s the weekend and I’m working harder than I did this week because I want to use the energy when I have it.

Clarity

My life, as life is for many other people, is reorganizing organically into some model I never imagined decades ago. Of course some of it’s by design, some experimentation, some reaction and then there’s the blindsiding stuff.

Many times it’s darkest before the dawn and other cliches. My filtering has not been my strongest asset and priorities end up being different than I think they are going to be. Everyone’s on a different part of the spectrum on this one.

Clarity is so important in living a successful life when things aren’t cut out for you any longer. Using myself as an example–I have many interests and it’s my health that is the most important focus for me. The art, writing (and obscure, energetic talent that has been more of a curse than a blessing until I gain some skills) are important for me to develop. They get worked in after the health thing that is on my plate right now, even though I don’t always accept it as cool and worthy.

I realized today that it’s my mindset I need to work with first for the biggest bang for my energy, time and effort and developing my skill set is secondary at this point. This is very useful for me to know as I go about my day and something I didn’t see clearly a few days ago. It used to be that I was overwhelmed with demands and reacting so these are things I’m learning now while my life is unstructured.

I’ve been dealing with my blog by writing about things like ice cream and television shows and birds because this has all been swirling around me in a confusing way. Now I feel all is right again and I make a point of moving through the panic phases as quickly as I can.

There continues to be events and situations in the world that moves other people into fresh panic as well as the underlying anxiety. That’s why I often find it a relief that some people are doing very well. On some level we are all one and we really need a balance of some people having ease to offset the truly crappy times that other people are going through.

Well, what I’m attempting to get at here is that sometimes it feels like the struggle will never end but in a little while things become more clear and then there is an order of a higher level to work with. If you were in the same room with me you could probably hear the wheels in my head creaking and grinding, with steam coming off my skull as I learn these new things. For some reason, what people TELL me is often not accurate for my situation–or maybe the timing is off. It sneaks up on me while I’m puttering.

I’ve committed to blogging everyday which makes my posts all over the place through these cycles I suppose.

Twenty One Days

Supposedly it takes 21 days to create a new habit. Yet that doesn’t mean that once the 21 days have been accomplished that everything is locked in.

Today I got several pieces of discouraging, uncomfortable news. I guess I prefer getting them all on the same day instead of being spread out over a week. So I don’t feel like thinking up a post today.

Even though I have posted 124 days in a row I don’t want to miss one day because I know a habit can just go down a slippery slope.

A Good Kind of Sleepy

It’s raining here and I turned my heat back on. I even made chili with lots of onion and garlic. Now I’m sleepy enough to crawl under the covers and nap. It’s only a little after eight here.

I’ve been avoiding the news although the potential shut-down of the government on Friday is interesting. That happened in the 90’s and it didn’t seem such a big deal to folks like me. So very much has happened since then.

I used my mind today since I seemed to be functioning better. My relaxation was setting up my English Countryside farm on facebook. I barely have a presence on FB–just have half a little toenail dipped in but I do like Farmville. It had been quite awhile since I’ve played and it’s slow going since I only have one neighbor. The English Countryside farm and traveling to it in a blimp is rather nice though. Not too bad of a choice when I go into numbing default mode these days.

Tuesday

I didn’t think of an appropriate title. Well.

I like shopping online. I used to be into buying local but I’m not working or getting disability and most of the local shops are more expensive and they act like they don’t appreciate my business.

I also pay some bills by phone and have some automatic payments taken from my checking account. But I simply don’t want to do online banking. I am not confident that I’ll be well enough to quickly deal with computer problems or internet access problems if they should arise again. My bank keeps pushing it. Like if I said no the last eight weeks, maybe this week I changed my mind. Now it’s that very bank that said my e-mail address is part of that large group that’s been compromised because someone hacked into that marketing firm in Texas, I think it is.

AARP spends a lot on paper and postage to mail me an opportunity to get life insurance about twice a month. Getting off these lists is very difficult–just asking doesn’t seem to do it and then I get tired. It makes me feel like what I want doesn’t matter and I’m not being listened to. It’s like being bothered by gnats sometime.

I have several e-mail accounts and now the spam folders are being filled up by notices from “Fed-Ex” and sometimes “UPS” notifications. Uh-huh.

That’s just the internet. In real life, my personal filters get a work-out tuning out all the nonsense and focusing in on what I value. As an introvert, it’s no wonder I need a lot of solitude just to breathe and hear myself think.

A Change In Plans

Yesterday, the folks in my building got notice that an alarm company would be testing out smoke detectors today. They’d be entering our apartments and sounding the alarms which is highly irritating, although it’s important that it be done.

My hip joints felt sore and inflamed and I was in a morose mood when I got up and didn’t feel like going out. The noise was so disruptive that I broke my no restaurant resolution because I didn’t want to go very far. The poor canine residents were in front of the building tied up and didn’t look happy.

I drank three cups of coffee and had a huge waffle with strawberries, blueberries and whipped cream. I put hot syrup on it too. This is way different than what I’ve been eating.

Then I decided to go get some groceries. It’s difficult for me to just walk around without a mission. I learned something surprising about myself. A block and a half away, I saw a moving van and some folks moving out of a second floor apartment via the fire escape. Someone threw a red and blue print blanket down but from far away it looked like an American flag. I was immediately shocked and horrified. I know I THINK that would be wrong, but I was surprised at how painful it was. Walking home that way, I was again surprised to smell funny smokes. Right there in the open.

My dentist appointment was Wednesday and when I got home, there was a message that there was an opportunity to go this afternoon. The alarms were still going off. So I took it and it was all fine. They always take my blood pressure and when I was having really stressful times several years ago, it was very high. Every time since, it has gotten a little lower and today was the lowest yet.

Now the anxiety I’ve been feeling the last few days has dissipated. Oh, and there is obnoxious construction going on near here. I felt like checking into a hotel for a few days but not with the dentist/taxes thing–intending to be financially wise. The relief I’m feeling now is good enough.

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