Placeholder

The Master Cat by h.koppdelaney from Flickr Creative Commons

The Master Cat by h.koppdelaney from Flickr Creative Commons

Creativity and inspiration, like many things in life, arrives in waves and cycles. Seeing that truth as a problem when the wave is out or the cycle is quiet has never been helpful to my peace of mind. This week, there hasn’t been any inner urging to post about a particular subject and I was tempted to skip a week. It happens to bloggers all the time. Who would ever notice?

Different thoughts went through my mind like butterflies. Blogging once a week is a practice that is serving me well; if I skipped a week would I ever return? Doing things mindlessly, like an automaton, isn’t so good–yet, it didn’t seem as though my habit is quite that bad. There’s no need to compare any of my posts with any other, whether mine or another bloggers.

I decided to take extra care with brunch and not think about it. It can be pleasant to rest and not have something calling to be expressed. Showing up here is a healthy practice and contributes to my feeling that all is well and it doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than it actually is.

I found a great picture that demonstrates how I’m choosing to approach this lull in what I wish to blog about. And like a cat, I might spring into action when there is something to spark my interest again.

Advertisements

A Taste of What Can Make the Soul Sing

Edgar Allen Poe's room; attribution to Futurilla; Flickr creative commons

Edgar Allen Poe’s room; attribution to Futurilla; Flickr creative commons

There are many reasons, known and unknown, why we choose what to pursue in life. Much of my focus has arisen from necessity and responsibility; there were limitations as to what was available to me and other people have had a tremendous influence as well.

Some things are so familiar, like water for a fish; now I’m talking about things that make one’s soul sing. For me that has been my love of old architecture. No one ever talked about architecture when I was growing up in an area where everything looked ugly to me. The first time I went to an art museum on a school trip, I loved the building as well as the Monets and other art. In school I wasn’t good at math, logic and whatever sort of things one needs to be good at to become an architect. The idea never crossed my mind for decades.

I’ve always been tuned in to a sort of hierarchy of what society considers most important; lovely buildings didn’t seem to be it. I recall the emotional impact of watching ugly housing projects implode on television and I enjoyed daydreaming about rehabilitating interiors. When I realized my love and looked into schooling, I became aware that much of building now is about boring stuff like codes and laws which ruins it all for me, even if the study were to be within my reach. I tend to think I built bridges and buildings in ancient times–that is the feeling I get.

Anyway, it was on my radar that people were fixing up houses and most of it seemed to be too much about business. It just made me feel kind of sad as I went about caring for the things in my life that made practical sense. So it was with delight that I noticed something on Pinterest about the Bronson Pinchot Project. He’s fixing up old homes in Pennsylvania and it’s being filmed for television. I honestly had never heard of him as an actor, although he’s famous, and I don’t have access to HGTV or the diy network. I very much enjoyed watching some Youtube videos and then looked through the confusing websites until I found this page where some of the episodes are available as of now.

I have different taste in decor than Mr Pinchot but if I could be an astronaut or a rock star or such, I’d likely do something similar to what he’s doing. Recently had an epiphany about all this. (I might have had it before and simply denied it.) I love to draw but I love real flowers and animals so much better than drawing them. Drawing fantasy architecture or simply utilizing classical details in drawings would be something I could really enjoy and satisfy my love. It’s given me lots to think about regarding people who need more passion in their lives but aren’t hopeful or have clarity about how to fit it in. Even a little taste could go a long way.

One of the things I enjoy about blogging here is searching through Flickr creative commons for a photo for my posts. In searching this time, I found this gem of a photo of Edgar Allen Poe’s room at the University of Virginia.

Singing In The Chorus

Singing is another one of those things I don’t do well. I have a whispery, rather monotone speaking voice and cannot carry a tune. But growing up, there were times I found myself in situations where I was required to sing in groups and found it quite enjoyable. As long as I didn’t project my voice too loudly and the ones surrounding me weren’t sensitive complainers, I could enjoy the energy of the chorus and the magic of live music. The value was in the experience and not in the feedback.

I’m reminded of that when I become aware of all that is being expressed in the world. Sometimes it seems a cacophony that no one is paying attention to, and of course it is often of higher quality than my singing. But it’s important in some way that I am quite unable to explain at this time. I know I’ve written of this before.

I hope all the creators and enthusiasts keep on singing in their chorus. Humanity rejoices for it, even though it may not be apparent today.

A Year Later

This blog was started a year ago yesterday on a whim. I don’t recall what I was thinking at the time. It seems I may have been tired of being an eternal feedback machine for people talking at me but never listening. My blog–I could express myself and tune out everyone who wanted to argue with me.

Yeah, I have symptoms of chronic fatigue and one of the things that sinks my energy really fast if for someone to argue with me about something I’ve said. It really does make me want to say, “whatever.”

Also my creativity is messy. I was attracted to producing something that at first, superficial glance appeared to be polished and somewhat professional. I soon found that putting photos in was more work than I wanted to do.

I wanted to add some structure to my life. Not being able to depend on my health from one day to the next, it’s quite a challenge to walk that fine line of putting my health first and being productive and moving forward in my life. Often I’m the only one I’m accountable to and that whole integrity and responsibility and the like is really getting exercised on my part.

It has made a difference although I’m not quite clear as to why. Like today, I’m still not at my best and because I have some structure in place I’m not collapsing into a pile of mush, brain included.

The blog so far seems to be a winter seasonal thing. I’d really rather be outdoors. I still look at the blogs of others when I have time. It’s amazing really for someone who was born way before all this internet stuff happened. And like many other things, it makes a difference how each person finds a place to fit it into their own life. It feels like most of us have even less time than we did last year. I hope that gets flipped back soon.

Some Things Never Seem to Change

I’ve been working on a creative project the last few days. You know that mythical creature, the crazed artist, who blocks out the rest of the world for periods of time and whose living quarters are a jumble of tools of the trade and discarded work and evidence of intense activity?

Damn!

Yeah.

Oh, and recently I got an e-reader. Not being a technically inclined person, I’m proud to say that I managed to get it up and running and have downloaded a book onto it.

And I’m still eating healthy and home-cooked and have the trashed kitchen to prove it.

So, this weekend I’ll be doing a bit more housecleaning than I intended.

Observations About Giving Up

There are a lot of things I don’t know. Sometimes I’m amazed that I got to be this age without learning some basic things–things that seem like trivia to me–that other people take for granted as fact.

Today I’m writing about something I do know and I don’t really care anymore who believes it or not.

I am very empathetic, which is I can feel what it’s like to be something or someone. People who are not wired this way don’t have a clue. Also I’m very observant and very interested in the creative expression of others. In the particular genius of others.

So, I notice amazing, amazing people with talent and they are seemingly not recognized and supported. Brilliant blog posts. Moving pieces of art. Singers on the street corners of my city. You know what I’m talking about. They are reaching for the stars, putting their hearts out there and they have drive, passion and the willingness to work hard.

Often what comes back is apathy….like they are creating in a world full of zombies.

Anyway, then I feel their bewilderment and bitterness. Cliches come to mind. “Leap and the net will appear.” “Do what you love and the money will follow.” “Build it and they will come.”

But this is the part that I know and I’m not going to attempt to convince anyone. Everyone else is responsible for their own journey.

Our world is changing rapidly into a new one. It really matters what choices we make and how we travel in attitude and energy and all that. Things are not as they appear and everyone needs to navigate according to what they feel is best.

It is totally worth it not to give up now. Well, perhaps one needs to quit doing something and begin something else. But keeping calm and carrying on? Nurturing our dreams and talents? Expressing our gifts? Having some faith?

It is so worth it. It sucks sometimes, things look unfair and I have really crappy days. No way do I want to give up. I don’t want to look back on this time and feel that I wasted it in whining and pouting.

And that’s why I keep rocking whatever I’ve got in the moment. And I’m thrilled when my fellow humans keep putting it out there even if it appears no one is paying attention. There is more attention on what we’re doing than we realize.

Writing What I Feel Like

It’s Thanksgiving. I haven’t been feeling well so I stayed home and slept most of the day. When I woke up I felt like making meat loaf and now I’m waiting for it to be ready to take out of the oven. It’s only the second time I’ve used this particular recipe and this time I didn’t leave out any of the ingredients so I’m thinking I’ll really like it.

Every once in awhile, something pops onto my radar regarding astrology. Today is one of those auspicious times. There’s a Sagittarius Solar Eclipse and New Moon. I’ve noticed New Moon’s are good for beginnings. In fact I began this blog during a New Moon almost a year ago and had fun with it until summer when I craved being out in the sunshine.

The internet reading I’ve done indicates this is a special Solar Eclipse. I’m not going to explain why–you can take my word for it. Or not.

Wherever the Solar Eclipse falls in a natal chart, is an area where it’s like a graduation now. Where more can be possible and restrictions fall away. Of course, these things aren’t handed out on a silver platter. I’m a believer in responsibility and self-authority.

Anyway, it happens to fall in my fifth house. Yes, I’ve had a natal chart professionally done. The fifth house is generally referred to as the one of creativity, fun, love, etc. Now that intrigued me. The information is often presented in a dry and serious manner. Doing a quick internet search, I found information about the fifth house that is more juicy and inspiring. The information is by Dana Gerhardt and she helps explain it by writing about the film Chocolat.

Very timely for me to read. There are many, many things I appreciate in this life. Right now I feel fortunate that this information is helping me to notice a fresh start. And I’m really looking forward to the meat loaf too.

Ditching the Postaday

There are other things I want to do than force myself to keep a commitment I made last winter when I was tired and it was too cold to go out limping around on the ice. It has been with careful thought that I am changing my mine and frankly I almost forget to post sometimes because I am engaged in something else and then remember late in the evening.

When I have something I need to say, I will post. Otherwise I think I will go for three times a week—Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I am limiting my television watching and other internet time also. Unless I feel morose and crappy and want to check out for awhile. What I am talking about here are daily habits. Going into default mode.

Words cannot describe how fatigued I used to get and wanting to have as much a life as possible, the interwebs was about all I could manage other than the basics. It isn’t the life I aspire to though. So I will give this an experimental try.

See you on Wednesday.

Clarity

My life, as life is for many other people, is reorganizing organically into some model I never imagined decades ago. Of course some of it’s by design, some experimentation, some reaction and then there’s the blindsiding stuff.

Many times it’s darkest before the dawn and other cliches. My filtering has not been my strongest asset and priorities end up being different than I think they are going to be. Everyone’s on a different part of the spectrum on this one.

Clarity is so important in living a successful life when things aren’t cut out for you any longer. Using myself as an example–I have many interests and it’s my health that is the most important focus for me. The art, writing (and obscure, energetic talent that has been more of a curse than a blessing until I gain some skills) are important for me to develop. They get worked in after the health thing that is on my plate right now, even though I don’t always accept it as cool and worthy.

I realized today that it’s my mindset I need to work with first for the biggest bang for my energy, time and effort and developing my skill set is secondary at this point. This is very useful for me to know as I go about my day and something I didn’t see clearly a few days ago. It used to be that I was overwhelmed with demands and reacting so these are things I’m learning now while my life is unstructured.

I’ve been dealing with my blog by writing about things like ice cream and television shows and birds because this has all been swirling around me in a confusing way. Now I feel all is right again and I make a point of moving through the panic phases as quickly as I can.

There continues to be events and situations in the world that moves other people into fresh panic as well as the underlying anxiety. That’s why I often find it a relief that some people are doing very well. On some level we are all one and we really need a balance of some people having ease to offset the truly crappy times that other people are going through.

Well, what I’m attempting to get at here is that sometimes it feels like the struggle will never end but in a little while things become more clear and then there is an order of a higher level to work with. If you were in the same room with me you could probably hear the wheels in my head creaking and grinding, with steam coming off my skull as I learn these new things. For some reason, what people TELL me is often not accurate for my situation–or maybe the timing is off. It sneaks up on me while I’m puttering.

I’ve committed to blogging everyday which makes my posts all over the place through these cycles I suppose.

Habit of Weekly Planning

In my previous life, my schedule was mostly dictated by the needs of other people and the necessary maintenance and putting out the fires of my daily existence.

Then after my personal apocalypse, life was dictated by what was physically and mentally possible in the moment and what was called for to keep body and soul together. As I began stretching into a new life, it was disappointing when I temporarily was unable to keep up the new pace. I understood about work expanding to the time available to complete it. It became increasingly important to tune into the nuances of not pushing myself and burning out but also to not slack-off more than was necessary. It developed new qualities in me that I wasn’t taught and I’m all for every silver lining I can get.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been doing something new–writing plans in my fancy day-planner for the week. I review the past week and give myself credit and validation for my accomplishments–important and easily overlooked when they aren’t much in comparison to my past self and to other people.

Then I note what is necessary to get done the following week. Then it’s the few things that by doing them would make me feel accomplished, competent and engaged in my life. There are other tiers listed that are flexible as to which day they get done in the possibility that I’ll have gains in energy, motivation and alertness. These gains can’t be counted on but they do happen more often and I like to be prepared.

So goes the rhythm of my life. I’m being responsible, grounded, authentic, appreciative and awake–all great qualities to have developed and also hard won.

There are many other folks in the world with similar paths to mine, something that might be forgotten when we’re being presented by clown-like, freakish personalities by the media on a daily basis.

« Older entries