Honoring Interior Seasons

Spring by dareppi from Flickr Creative Commons

Spring by dareppi from Flickr Creative Commons

The spring equinox is this week for about half the world; new life is rising and it’s time to plant seeds literally and metaphorically.

The season inside of us doesn’t always coincide with the season in nature. My life works better when I honor my interior season however I can, whether it’s more physical rest being needed, an emotional retreat from the world or less focus on technological communication and more on energetic connection.

Of course we need to be responsible for our lives but sometimes I opt for a less popular way of being in order to honor an interior season.

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When the Crazy Comes Out

Spring Flowers by El Frito from  Flickr Creative Commons

Spring Flowers by El Frito from Flickr Creative Commons


I haven’t noticed any spring flowers in my area but they’re surely on the way. The sun has been shining more, the ice is gone from the sidewalks for the time being and sometimes it isn’t always windy. Windy is annoying and can lower my mood.

I can be puttering or rushing along and let something effect me and when I can see what’s happening I usually work at regaining some equanimity rather than going into a downward spiral. Lately I’ve noticed a fair amount of people flipping out of character, both in my personal life and with those I connect with online. The news headlines are full of stories of people who crossed over a line of going out of character to a seeming point of no return and now they must face consequences.

Loyalty is a value I hold dear, not abandoning people I care about on the basis of a downward turn in circumstances or the fact that they are no longer able to offer something they once did.

But when the crazy comes out I don’t want to invest too much time in understanding it. Tantrums, venomous spewing that seems to have no relation to whatever is going on in objective reality, vague overreactions, especially with online interactions–I just want to step away. Some people are consistently displaying attitudes but I’m writing about those who seem to lose it in a way that seems to come from out of nowhere.

When people show me by their actions who they are, I’m going to take more note of it. In the meantime I’m avoiding the wind where possible and am on alert for the first spring flower I see outdoors.

January Evenings and Indulgences

Highclere Castle ~ photo from flickr creative commons.

Highclere Castle ~ photo from flickr creative commons.

The third season of Downton Abbey is finally here. (The photo of Highclere Castle, where it’s filmed, is by Jonathan Rieke.)

Sometimes I almost feel as though I’m part of the family. Maggie Smith’s character is a delight to watch, although I wouldn’t want to deal with her in real life. There’s an online quiz, “Which Downton Abbey Job is Right for You”, and I scored Isobel Crawley.

It’s been unusually cold here and the sidewalks are icy or slippery in many places, depending on what has or hasn’t been done. Some people are boring with their struggles regarding New Year’s Resolutions and I’m as interested and supportive as I can be, depending on my energy level among other things. It’s been years since I’ve made resolutions, although I have goals and choose several areas of focus.

I’ve done well with having a “word of the year”. This year my word is “refresh”. I didn’t pick it; it persistently and insistently made itself noticed and while I’m not up for explaining what it might mean, the word seems appropriate and I’ve accepted it.

With new dietary restrictions at this time–because health is very important to me–my treat of choice now is having a glass or two of red wine some evenings, even though I don’t bother obtaining wine without sulfites. We all have our little escapes and soft addictions; I’ve eliminated some and upgraded others.

Freshly grated ginger for tea in the afternoon is another treat I’ve been looking forward to lately. It isn’t about what I’ve chosen; it’s about my paying attention and making the time and effort to follow through instead of telling myself I’m too busy and that “maybe tomorrow” I’ll take care of myself in this way.

By next month the energies and themes of my life will be different and something else will be available to add a little sparkle and pleasure to my daily existence. Taking responsibility is valued by me and when this life is over I don’t want to look back and see a pattern of self-denial when it came down to appreciating life.

What are you making the time to enjoy these days?

Christmas

It’s a holiday that my family of origin celebrated in a very modest way. When I left my childhood home, I didn’t bother much with it as far as decorating and entertaining goes. There are many different  nuances of the traditions and now so many things changing for people rapidly.

I guess it’s simple for us to just continue on without questioning the way we celebrate unless circumstances or strong awareness impels us to make changes. After reading some blog posts by people I admire about the little traditions in their homes, I’m considering crafting my own to make the holidays more meaningful for me.

The people I used to celebrate with are all gone now. These days I’m fine with going along with whatever the people I’m with do to celebrate the holidays.
When people are alone, it makes a difference whether or not they offer a certain quality of life to themselves. It doesn’t have to be more complicated or elaborate or expensive or more work. If you’re somewhat lacking in imagination (like me) you can experiment in a thoughtful way and allow it to evolve.

This afternoon I was alone and so I got out my paints and unfinished canvas panel and painted a bit. The actual painting part took about twenty minutes and the gathering of stuff and cleaning up took longer. The cap broke on my brilliant blue shade and I taped it back together. There are lots of reasons I could find to give up beginning art again but this will be a year when many of my excuses of the past won’t really apply. The only thing stopping me would be inner resistance. It was awkward but I feel a bit pleased with my effort this afternoon and intend to kind of make a habit of doing some sort of art often. Like I’ve been doing with my writing.

One of my received gift books is the fourth novel by Charles Finch called “A Stranger in Mayfair.” I really enjoyed the first three, detective novels set in the Victorian era, and this one is pleasant to read as well.  It’s a book I’m wanting to last a bit longer than the pace I’m going through it. 

Foggy

There hasn’t been more than a few minutes of sunshine at a time for weeks now. It’s been foggy—I’ve seen more fog lately than during the entire four and a half years I’ve lived here. Recalling how I used to miss fog during the days of relentless sunshine, I’m aware of handling it but am a little concerned that it isn’t even officially winter yet. It’s a La Nina year and the Pacific Northwest is expected to be much wetter this winter. Where I am is actually high desert and I’m thinking the moisture is good.

Today seemed to be a foggy consciousness day also. Variety is good, right? This is a familiar area in the upward spiraling staircase and I did some thinking about where I was at—not much action.

Maybe I’m a bit hung over from my seemingly necessary asserting myself yesterday. It wasn’t an argument but it had the effect of activating stuff in my energy system. When you fight, the energy of it hangs out in your aura for awhile—I think for a couple of weeks or so and increases the chances of more arguments. A little of that is fine because we’re humans having lives. We aren’t robots or wispy ghosts.

So, I felt deflated and while pondering (a bit more than useful or healthy), I thought about how I could alter the way I go about things according to what  mode I’m in. To make it easy, it would be either inspired, hopeful mode or blah, discouraged mode. Today would be blah, discouraged mode and I could have plodded through and been more productive, but I did not. Perhaps tomorrow, for the sake of balance, I will. Unless the lightness and uplifted feeling happens and I have that to work with.

One of the shadows had to do with my self-criticism about my writing here. It seems choppy and disjointed to me. Much of the criticism I’ve received from others about my communication goes along with not getting to the point, giving too much information, rambling, etc. I’ve been attempting to write well, which might amuse me after I’ve been here awhile and find myself sloppily spilling my guts or getting into minute details or having lovely tangents.

It was a day I could spend in solitude so my mood was not inflicted on others. I ate healthy snacks, read and took a vitamin D3 capsule.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll dial down the intellect and dial up mindfulness and do simple things around my home.