Honoring Interior Seasons

Spring by dareppi from Flickr Creative Commons

Spring by dareppi from Flickr Creative Commons

The spring equinox is this week for about half the world; new life is rising and it’s time to plant seeds literally and metaphorically.

The season inside of us doesn’t always coincide with the season in nature. My life works better when I honor my interior season however I can, whether it’s more physical rest being needed, an emotional retreat from the world or less focus on technological communication and more on energetic connection.

Of course we need to be responsible for our lives but sometimes I opt for a less popular way of being in order to honor an interior season.

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The Master Cat by h.koppdelaney from Flickr Creative Commons

The Master Cat by h.koppdelaney from Flickr Creative Commons

Creativity and inspiration, like many things in life, arrives in waves and cycles. Seeing that truth as a problem when the wave is out or the cycle is quiet has never been helpful to my peace of mind. This week, there hasn’t been any inner urging to post about a particular subject and I was tempted to skip a week. It happens to bloggers all the time. Who would ever notice?

Different thoughts went through my mind like butterflies. Blogging once a week is a practice that is serving me well; if I skipped a week would I ever return? Doing things mindlessly, like an automaton, isn’t so good–yet, it didn’t seem as though my habit is quite that bad. There’s no need to compare any of my posts with any other, whether mine or another bloggers.

I decided to take extra care with brunch and not think about it. It can be pleasant to rest and not have something calling to be expressed. Showing up here is a healthy practice and contributes to my feeling that all is well and it doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than it actually is.

I found a great picture that demonstrates how I’m choosing to approach this lull in what I wish to blog about. And like a cat, I might spring into action when there is something to spark my interest again.

When the Crazy Comes Out

Spring Flowers by El Frito from  Flickr Creative Commons

Spring Flowers by El Frito from Flickr Creative Commons


I haven’t noticed any spring flowers in my area but they’re surely on the way. The sun has been shining more, the ice is gone from the sidewalks for the time being and sometimes it isn’t always windy. Windy is annoying and can lower my mood.

I can be puttering or rushing along and let something effect me and when I can see what’s happening I usually work at regaining some equanimity rather than going into a downward spiral. Lately I’ve noticed a fair amount of people flipping out of character, both in my personal life and with those I connect with online. The news headlines are full of stories of people who crossed over a line of going out of character to a seeming point of no return and now they must face consequences.

Loyalty is a value I hold dear, not abandoning people I care about on the basis of a downward turn in circumstances or the fact that they are no longer able to offer something they once did.

But when the crazy comes out I don’t want to invest too much time in understanding it. Tantrums, venomous spewing that seems to have no relation to whatever is going on in objective reality, vague overreactions, especially with online interactions–I just want to step away. Some people are consistently displaying attitudes but I’m writing about those who seem to lose it in a way that seems to come from out of nowhere.

When people show me by their actions who they are, I’m going to take more note of it. In the meantime I’m avoiding the wind where possible and am on alert for the first spring flower I see outdoors.

Puttering

Many things change rapidly in this age, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the sake of change. Over the last few months I haven’t been posting here and now I find myself awkwardly navigating around the dashboard with things looking unfamiliar.

In October I got a new notebook PC and I allowed a salesperson talk me into something different than my internet research had led me to choose. It has one of those sensitive mouse things that has the cursor jumping all over and sometimes freezing. I’ve looked at fixes online, experimented and am learning to type funny, avoiding the mouse area. Just one more thing I’m learning to tolerate.

Most of the Christmas cards I’ll be getting have arrived by now. Cards from people who seem to be more, have more and do more than me. So,I work with that.

Dairy foods cause trouble for me, but I like Nancy’s brand yogurt and awhile back I found that they have sour cream too. And now I’m really happy that they have cream cheese! The products have live cultures in them and are organic. I even bought out of season strawberries at an outrageous price to slice and put on nut crackers with the cream cheese and I’m not feeling deprived of holiday goodies this year.

It might rain tomorrow and I’ll likely stay in as I’ve been pushing myself a lot lately. Lots of little projects to do and I’ll just pay no attention to the news and make good choices. Maybe I’ll even show up here again.

Static

I’m getting a lot done lately, especially on the weekend we just had. When the energy and motivation’s there to do something, I’ve learned to go with it even if it’s an odd time. Today I reorganized my pantry and saved some items from expiring and found things I didn’t know I had. It gives my intellect a break much in the same way that watching television or walking along the river does. I just made my choices, not having to listen to the opinions of the world and ignoring my inner critic, who to this day still jabbers at me about maybe doing some activity other than what I’m doing.

I write more lists and jot information down throughout the day and no longer expect my mind to remember so many things. Somewhere I’ve picked up the habit of expecting my mind to accomplish things that are really not it’s job.

I enjoy showing up here at my blog and don’t care if anyone reads it or not, although I like it when someone responds. With all the static in the world and people talking and seemingly not listening, it’s amazing when I log on here and see the weird spam comments. That surely must be automated in some way. What a total waste it seems and I wonder if anything ever, ever, ever makes it worthwhile to the ones who spew that out. I mean, here I am attempting to make time expand in the present moment and make choices to live a meaningful life and some sad soul has contributed more spam and static into the world.

And with that, I’m not going to think about it or mention it again.

Some Things Never Seem to Change

I’ve been working on a creative project the last few days. You know that mythical creature, the crazed artist, who blocks out the rest of the world for periods of time and whose living quarters are a jumble of tools of the trade and discarded work and evidence of intense activity?

Damn!

Yeah.

Oh, and recently I got an e-reader. Not being a technically inclined person, I’m proud to say that I managed to get it up and running and have downloaded a book onto it.

And I’m still eating healthy and home-cooked and have the trashed kitchen to prove it.

So, this weekend I’ll be doing a bit more housecleaning than I intended.

Some Feeling About OWS and Black Friday

With so many opinions being blasted around out there, I usually quit speaking mine. They are subject to change often and I don’t really care about changing what anyone else thinks. If they’re expressed with clarity, I can often understand where someone’s coming from. Whether I agree with them or not.

I find the Occupy Wall Street movement a very positive thing. Yes, there are people involved who are not quite coherent blah blah blah. The average worker in a corporation or a bank–they are not evil. Hard work is good. So is taking responsibility. Integrity and all that stuff. Things need to change and it will take awhile and a lot of us to bring that about. It isn’t the role of everyone to camp out like that and it certainly isn’t my role. But I admire them and those who are attempting to bring about change all over the world.

After centuries of those in high power basically saying f— you to all the rest of us citizens of planet earth, many of us are saying enough! Now f— you.

Having worked in retail, which really, really sucked in ways I won’t go into, I am very grateful to stay home on Black Friday. I’ve seen horrible things. Our consumer society, the way we’re made to feel that we are nothing and having stuff is important—yeah, I have opinions on all that.

But I’ve been on a tight budget and I got a cash gift. There are things I’ve been wanting for quite awhile, so yeah, I went out and shopped this afternoon. For the first Black Friday in years.

It must be that I’m getting older or something because I used to care more about what other people might think about my choices. Now I just go ahead and do what makes sense more often, even if it’s inconsistent or unexplainable. So, I surprised myself today and kind of wondered why I make little rules for myself when I loathe others making them for me.

Summer

This year I am really enjoying the dry heat of summer where I’m living. Spring came late and much of my productivity from that time is paying off now as I drift a bit enjoying summer.

Many of my ambitions and intentions of being productive that I wrote down last winter are forgotten. I am enjoying my life though. Knowing myself, I will become all fired up about something again eventually and when the energy is there for it, I’ll make up for any time I feel I’m losing now.

Actually, I don’t feel like I’m losing time at all. When I stay in the present moment, time seems to expand, like a portable eternity. I get done what feels important for the day and what is aligned with my values. Without thinking too much about it. My mind is finally getting breaks from the hamster-wheel it has often been on during the past. The past I barely recall most of the time.

It has been good for my health. It has been good for my happiness. And I am still a responsible, caring, contributing member of the human race.

Often I have words to go with the enjoyable feelings and experiences..words that arrive easily…sometimes processing kinds of words as I emotionally or spiritually heal from this or that. They seem to be pertaining to me only and when I think about making my way to the computer–this one that has my WordPress password saved, since I don’t recall where I wrote it down–well, I just don’t arrive at this point to write.

It feels like two weeks or so since I’ve been here and I see it has been two months. Today I showed up to approve a comment that was offered on a previous post. But I am well and enjoying summer. Of course I have challenges and issues but I no longer am feeling that I’m hanging on by my fingernails. Or that I need to record my days as though I might be taking a scary journey through a weird landscape. I am simply enjoying the scenery. Or observing with interest the fun-house mirror weirdness.

When I speak, my words often still go in one ear and out the other, if that, to the one I am speaking too. But I mind less because I make sense to myself.

Neural Pathway Disorientation

This has been on my mind a lot lately and I may have blogged about it already. Chances are I wouldn’t be able to know by looking at post titles or tags because I do those haphazardly.

Middle-aged adults who study new things have my respect because it’s more challenging than when younger. I’m speaking for myself here. I am changing things and learning and it leaves me disoriented sometimes. It’s as though things are being rearranged at a cellular level.

I’ve moved a lot in my life, from different apartments and different states. After moving to a new area, there is an adjustment period when the old routines are no longer and there’s an awkwardness and uncertainty until things begin flowing again. That’s what’s happening as I make deep level alterations to the habitual thought patterns and attitudes from the past.

Coming to terms with becoming healthier but not going back to ten or twenty years ago and with losses but also creating a new life is weird. It’s difficult for me to find words to describe interior things. What the heck was I thinking when I decided to post every day this year?

So sometimes it might seem like I’m writing…umm….the sky is blue. I liked my lunch. But there is a lot of interior drama going on some days, believe me.

Qwest Communications

It’s spring break here and it isn’t spring fever kind of weather yet but it works for me. I ran errands today and got back just in time before it rained.

I was very alert and relatively pain-free and was productive, taking advantage of it by getting a lot done in less time than it would usually take.

I believe that what we focus on in life is what we get more of. I cultivate patience and tolerance and gratitude in myself. I don’t recall every getting into a rant here in my blog but if I did it would be about my umm…..communications service. Internet, phone and billing from the communications company in the title of this post.

There are some reasons why I am not going to be switching companies for a little while longer. They seriously fail.

And that’s all I’m going to say.

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