2013

photo by RLHyde from Flickr Creative Commons

photo by RLHyde from Flickr Creative Commons

It’s a new year. I didn’t post very often in 2012 and I think I can do once a week this year. Mondays will be a good day to do so.

What inspired me to blog when I started had something to do with the Misty Look Theme photo. I loved the stone bridge over the water of the quiet stream with the autumn colors and willow trees nearby and the gentle path. It is similar to the landscape in my interior world. When I see the new earth in my mind’s eye, it isn’t pastel and bubblegum colors with cartoon unicorns, rainbows and butterflies. Instead it’s a more grounded, classic beauty.

When I logged in last week with the intention of taking up blogging today, I was informed that Misty Look had an updated theme. It was now Misty Lake and I did not like it at all. It was the photo that disappointed. If I were more tech-inclined and patient there might have been a way to use the previous bridge photo with the Misty Lake theme.

The old theme can still be used but in the future the code will be unsupported. I’m not sure what that means but it didn’t sound like anything I wanted to be surprised with so I looked for another theme, chose this one and then spent time on Flickr searching for a festive photo that I would be allowed to use.

It isn’t a big deal but I could have easily just given up. Not bothered. I’m not sure what I’ll learn or who I’ll meet because of my new re-commitment to blogging. This will likely be a more sane and calm year than last although it has it’s challenges as well. Right now the snow is steadily falling here and I’ve managed to complete the first of my blog posts of the year.

Engaging in Life

Have you ever been criticized for being an observer of life more so than a participant? That could be someone’s perception, someone who isn’t in your shoes and doesn’t understand how you got where you are and what’s going on behind the scenes.

Aren’t results better when we stop comparing where we are with where someone else is? When we look at what’s on our plate instead of taking envious glances at what’s on the plate of another? 

Today I was able to go out into the sunshine and walk to get groceries. I stopped to give my opinion at an open house for a city project. It’s easier for me to write than to speak and I stumbled over words and rambled a little in getting to my point. But I showed up, shook someone’s hand, introduced myself and gave my opinion and suggestions. When the project is completed, I’ll have given my input as best I could and if the results cause me to roll my eyes or shake my head, at least I’ll know I participated. 

When I got to the remodeled and reorganized food co-op, I was pleased to see they carry bakers ammonia. I’ve been looking for it at two of the local stores and didn’t want to order such a small item online. It doesn’t have a long shelf life but cookie season is approaching.

I need to eat gluten-free foods. The bakers ammonia gives old-fashioned cookies the crunch on the outside and I want to make springerlies. My life is complex now and there isn’t much attention for my ancestral heritage but the anise-flavored springerlie cookies are something I feel I can reach for. I have one of the rolling pins used to press the design into cookie dough. I have several recipes and the most simple one will be the one I try first. 

I’ve used gluten-free cookie mixes but not made cookies from scratch with gluten-free flour yet so it will be an experiment and takes enough planning that it will be a somewhat significant project for me to include in my life. It will also be one of just a few things I’ll do for the holidays.

I intend to be successful at it and won’t be comparing myself to what others with more do and have or with what others with less do and have.

I’m participating in life whatever someone else’s perception is.     

State of the Blog

This blog got a comment I needed to approve or not so I was reminded of its existence. After tracking down my password I logged in and saw that it still gets views. That surprised me. It was never a well-read blog; I wrote for enjoyment and for something positive to do while I was continuing to go through some great challenges.

While I was posting I never thought beyond the possibility of someone reading within a day or two. It’s been almost a year since I’ve even logged in and now I see that every month someone reads something. I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve written but it’s given me pause to think how long some of this content sticks around.

Towards the end of my engagement here I was reading so much of what other people were doing that I didn’t really have time to attend to my own blog. It was a learning experience and I enjoyed it but in the end it just seemed that everyone was wanting attention and not really giving it to others. Maybe my perception is wrong but I just didn’t understand the game here.

Now that I’ve got my password info and this is on my radar again perhaps I’ll write from time to time.

Singing In The Chorus

Singing is another one of those things I don’t do well. I have a whispery, rather monotone speaking voice and cannot carry a tune. But growing up, there were times I found myself in situations where I was required to sing in groups and found it quite enjoyable. As long as I didn’t project my voice too loudly and the ones surrounding me weren’t sensitive complainers, I could enjoy the energy of the chorus and the magic of live music. The value was in the experience and not in the feedback.

I’m reminded of that when I become aware of all that is being expressed in the world. Sometimes it seems a cacophony that no one is paying attention to, and of course it is often of higher quality than my singing. But it’s important in some way that I am quite unable to explain at this time. I know I’ve written of this before.

I hope all the creators and enthusiasts keep on singing in their chorus. Humanity rejoices for it, even though it may not be apparent today.

Directions

The Co-op was really busy today, just like a weekend. I walked over to get some organic produce and got the heck out of there rather than looking for replacements for the items on my list I couldn’t find. I have refined my diet so well this past year that there is no need for me to make resolutions in that area.

The past year turned out to be better than I ever expected and I did achieve some of my goals but no way in the linear steps I’d planned. One of the best improvements was my abilities with the specialized diet I need because of a health situation. Another improvement is finally coming up with a budget I can work with, something that has eluded me for decades. The organization of my living space is another long-standing challenge that has become easier this year. I can’t quite say how I got here but it feels good.

However I did it, I’m intending for the same grace to happen this year regarding organizing the information I need to run my life. Yeah, I have a fancy, expensive day-planner but I don’t really use it. I waste a lot of time looking for passwords and other things because I simply don’t take the time to write things down in a manner that I can retrieve later. That sort of information isn’t really meant for the mind to file away when we have all this high and low tech help.

The other two things on my list for decades–once again–exercise and drawing. I will begin with the information organizing first. This past year, it worked better for me to go deep into improving one thing at a time. In fact, overall, uni-tasking is more conducive for my success than multi-tasking.

I know what directions I want to go in and for me it’s enough that I’m accountable to myself.

Suddenly Lighter

Two of the most challenging things about blogging for me is my password and thinking of titles for my posts. When it comes to the actual writing, I just ramble like I talk. I don’t have to look at anyone’s blank expression or rolling eyes or smirking face here either.

After weeks of feeling like I was moving through molasses, things seemed to open up today and be a lot easier. I guess I could do some research to see if there was any planetary activity going on. Just kidding.

First of all, it has felt like Friday all day instead of Thursday. Out of nowhere I got up early and while waiting on laundry to cycle, I planned a budget for the next eight months. That is a miracle. Never have I been able to figure out a budget that I could stick to or that made any sense. You can scoff all you like that I’m not even into it for 24 hours, but the thing is that I have never found any software or templates that made any sense for my particular weird situation. (And I’m not going into that now.)

I have the Quicken starter edition. I got it less than two months ago and it doesn’t do what I was looking for. Likely when it comes time to need a new one, I’ll let it go.

After looking over free planners and software yesterday evening and this morning, not too far into the quest I found something that works for me. Nothing to download and I could customize it to my own unique needs. It’s a simple spreadsheet and didn’t take too long to fill out.

Basically what I have to work with is the money to live on for the next eight months. So I divided that up in a way that seemed beyond my abilities before. It simply doesn’t work anymore to not keep track of things but really, I have trouble with organization and it was all too overwhelming. Until this morning. So while it may be simple for you, I am feeling like an accomplished genius right now. Now my mind can rest until I need it for something else.

Other things were easier for me today too but this is major for me. Something that has seemed so complicated for decades just fell into place.

I’m sure it happens for other people too. WooHoo!

Puttering

Many things change rapidly in this age, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the sake of change. Over the last few months I haven’t been posting here and now I find myself awkwardly navigating around the dashboard with things looking unfamiliar.

In October I got a new notebook PC and I allowed a salesperson talk me into something different than my internet research had led me to choose. It has one of those sensitive mouse things that has the cursor jumping all over and sometimes freezing. I’ve looked at fixes online, experimented and am learning to type funny, avoiding the mouse area. Just one more thing I’m learning to tolerate.

Most of the Christmas cards I’ll be getting have arrived by now. Cards from people who seem to be more, have more and do more than me. So,I work with that.

Dairy foods cause trouble for me, but I like Nancy’s brand yogurt and awhile back I found that they have sour cream too. And now I’m really happy that they have cream cheese! The products have live cultures in them and are organic. I even bought out of season strawberries at an outrageous price to slice and put on nut crackers with the cream cheese and I’m not feeling deprived of holiday goodies this year.

It might rain tomorrow and I’ll likely stay in as I’ve been pushing myself a lot lately. Lots of little projects to do and I’ll just pay no attention to the news and make good choices. Maybe I’ll even show up here again.

Static

I’m getting a lot done lately, especially on the weekend we just had. When the energy and motivation’s there to do something, I’ve learned to go with it even if it’s an odd time. Today I reorganized my pantry and saved some items from expiring and found things I didn’t know I had. It gives my intellect a break much in the same way that watching television or walking along the river does. I just made my choices, not having to listen to the opinions of the world and ignoring my inner critic, who to this day still jabbers at me about maybe doing some activity other than what I’m doing.

I write more lists and jot information down throughout the day and no longer expect my mind to remember so many things. Somewhere I’ve picked up the habit of expecting my mind to accomplish things that are really not it’s job.

I enjoy showing up here at my blog and don’t care if anyone reads it or not, although I like it when someone responds. With all the static in the world and people talking and seemingly not listening, it’s amazing when I log on here and see the weird spam comments. That surely must be automated in some way. What a total waste it seems and I wonder if anything ever, ever, ever makes it worthwhile to the ones who spew that out. I mean, here I am attempting to make time expand in the present moment and make choices to live a meaningful life and some sad soul has contributed more spam and static into the world.

And with that, I’m not going to think about it or mention it again.

Fashion Trends I Like

Now this is a subject I rarely speak up about. I’ve developed my own fashion sense over the years, know what I like and what works for me and dress to please myself. I do notice fashion though. There are two trends that (according to the internet) are coming up for 2012 and I welcome them.

One is the color of the year for 2012. Every year Pantone chooses a color and it really does affect clothing, decor, nail polish and other stuff that consumers buy. It really is a big deal in the industry. The color chosen is Tangerine Mango. It is a delicious shade of, well….tangerine mango. This is a color I wouldn’t wear unless it was shaded with gray but I do have similar colored objects in my home and love to look at them.

The second trend is a move to flatter shoes for women. Equestrian boots and kind of biker boot looks. The high heeled shoe thing is ridiculous and dangerous. And no, it isn’t sour grapes because I am physically not able to wear them.

I sometimes watch television on hulu and see the shows where the female detectives, spies and the like run down alleys after people and climb down river banks to look at dead bodies….in heels. Those shows will look weird and clunky in re-runs I think and I welcome the end of the high-heeled run, if this report is true.

Junk Food

I don’t eat junk food and haven’t been able to for quite awhile. I’m on a very restricted diet and feel horror at what other people eat.

There’s someone I care about who’s mentally ill. His diet is awful and I believe it’s killing him, but he’s an adult and I ought to respect his right to make choices. He has a fair amount of money and could probably get whatever he wants but he has such a need control his environment that he lives quite frugally. As in unplugging his refrigerator to keep his electric bill down and opening a can of peas and eating it cold right out of the can.

It’s good to feel that people care during the holidays and I very much like for him to get presents in the mail. But he doesn’t like things people give him. My budget is such that I really don’t want to do without things I need in order to give him things he doesn’t want. But he does like crappy food. The healthy snacks I’ve attempted to interest him in didn’t go over well. So, today I decided to finally give him what he truly seems to enjoy, junk food. So he can get a package in the mail. It isn’t like I’m giving him illegal drugs or something but I didn’t get to this place easily.

There are two places I shop for my groceries. At the local co-op where I get my organic stuff and at an employee owned store where I get what I can because the prices are more reasonable. I picked out the usual amount of items, what I could carry and was surprised that it cost more than twice what the healthier food at the employee owned store usually does. And it’s about the same amount as an equal bag full at the co-op where the price of organic meat and veggies seem quite high.

The stuff isn’t boxed up yet and I’m looking at it across the room and am not at all tempted to eat any of it. In the grand big picture, this is probably not a big deal at all. Maybe it’s nit-picky and obsessive for me to have to over-think this so. But now, at the end of this day, this is what I most remember.

« Older entries Newer entries »