Menace or temptation, not significant enough to be called a Guardian, one often looms up at the beginning of an endeavor. Just as by setting an intention, the subconscious, synchronicity and mysterious particles of the universe come together to support a conscious goal, something else rises up in opposition to it. Just like in a good story.
There was a friend in college who would periodically plan to diet. Her mother had an uncanny ability to always send a care package with home made cookies and other treats for arrival the day before the diet was to begin. This was back when it was O.K. to send home baked goods through the mail.
Often when I would work out a budget for myself, something I’d been wanting for quite awhile would suddenly go on sale. What to do?
We’ve seen videos of wedding ceremony mishaps and such.
It used to upset me and I’d take it personally–the universe was against me and my chosen goal. On my last birthday, a pleasant day was planned and then my two year old wireless modem suddenly died in the morning when I first logged on. Why then? Why not a week earlier or a week later?
So to be in more balance, I’m giving up my subjective, go-with-the-flow ways for a year to see how it works in my life. I’ve been doing well with my to-do lists. Then this morning, this thing that sometimes happens to my back, happened.
I’m proud of myself for not letting it be a big deal. It’s happened enough that I’m not afraid and I’m not getting distraught about it. (Which I used to do when it would happen the day before I’d planned to fly to another city.)
My life is such now that no one else is depending on me to show up. Being a trustworthy, responsible and dependable person is important to me and I’d think differently about this if I was letting someone down.
As it is, it’s really not throwing much of a wrench into my life and certainly isn’t going to ruin my whole year. That might sound ridiculous that it would, but you didn’t know me as a young, highly-strung drama girl.
What I’ve found to be useful in situations like this is to do what I can on an action level–I have a great far infrared heating pad that I’ve used today–and then just do my best.
I won’t be doing the muscle alignment stretches again until it is safe to do so–that’s a major goal for this year.
The other physical things on my list can wait too. What works is paying close attention, self-honesty and self-authority in deciding how to handle goal compromises. I did some reading and studying. And writing. I showed up here, didn’t I?
The Menace Near the Threshold
January 2, 2011 at 4:21 pm (beginnings, health, life, personal, writing)
Tags: goals, health, life, postaday2011
Imperfect Practice
December 31, 2010 at 3:35 pm (beginnings, blogging, health, personal)
Tags: blogging, goals, health, postaday2011
My complicated and mysterious illness has flared up today and I’m not at my best. That’s one reason it’s a good thing I’ve already written down my goals for the next year. People with unpredictable and out-of-their-control circumstances in their lives can, of course, be successful and make progress. It’s a dance of flexibility and two of the main requirements for me is really paying attention to signs and how I’m feeling and having a high degree of self-honesty.
So, I’ll be wincing and creaking into the new year without putting a lot of pressure on myself. And because I want to learn and practice more this year does not mean I’m lacking talent and that I’m a failure. Oh, no.
I’m going to participate in the WordPress daily posting because I’ve been finding it easy and I really like to so far. I noticed that many folks don’t post daily and I felt a twinge of self-consciousness about my enthusiasm but I got over that quickly. Now I’m going to nap. I’ll see you next year.
Word Of The Year
December 30, 2010 at 6:05 pm (beginnings, health, life, personal, relationships)
Tags: beginnings, goals, life, relationships
Instead of resolutions, I’ve been choosing a word-of-the-year for the last few years and I do believe it’s made a difference. I got the idea from Christine Kane’s blog several years ago and a quick search of this site has shown me that others like the idea also.
I’ve recently mentioned that I’m experimenting with changing my overly subjective, go-with-the-flow ways and worked out some structure and focus and goals for the coming year. After several years of numerous major losses and debilitating pain and chronic fatigue during which my main goal was to stay alive—well, some days it was–I’m finding that my life is indeed looking like I’ll have a future.
After being passive for so long it’s tempting to overreact and really push myself to CONTROL but that isn’t the life I want either. Thus I made a little plan and some habits I want to take up and I’ll pay attention to how it goes.
Back to word-of-the-year, I’ve changed my mind from the one I decided on a little while back–sustainable–and am mentioning it here for anyone keeping track (me) just for the sake of accuracy. The word had just come to me from the ethers or whatever and so I thought it was meant to be. When I looked up the meaning, I didn’t care so much for it. It seemed limiting and like I’d just “been there. done that”.
The word I really, really, really want for 2011 is receive. Yes, that’s been a major imbalance in the way I’ve lived. Giving, not so much receiving. Enough said about that.
When meeting new people and considering friendship I’m going to listen to my gut more. Do they take responsibility or do they blame? Do they practice appreciation or are they complainers? Are they about healing, solutions and uplifting or generally negative all the time? It’s really time for me to turn the corner on this.
Unachieved Goals–So What?
December 21, 2010 at 8:30 pm (art, beginnings, creativity, personal)
Tags: art, goals
Well, it’s my life.
As I mentioned recently, I’m still learning how to set goals that have clarity, actually mean something to me and are reasonably achievable. In my younger years, there was no shortage of overbearing and well-meaning people to tell me how I should be living, peer pressure, expectations and overwhelming demands. Now I have more space and can hear my inner voice more often. The rules are changing and the formulas don’t work for me and yet, I’m still here.
Some of my goals were achieved last year. I’ll bet that’s true for most people who made plans. Those same people may have accomplished a lot more than they are giving themselves credit for. I doubt if most Americans are as lazy as some accuse them of being.
What did I learn about the three major goals I wrote down that I haven’t moved forward on yet? They are still important enough to me that I’m going to continue going for it. When a goal doesn’t really resonate anymore, it’s time to let it go. It happens–people and circumstances change and sometimes something more appropriate comes along.
Today I looked at my self-imposed, overloaded to-do list and I could feel the anxiety welling up inside. That isn’t the way I want to live. It’s unnecessary and it doesn’t help–it’s just the way I learned to be from anxious, uptight people who believed that life’s a struggle.
Self-talk is important. Most people can figure out appropriate, encouraging self-talk when they remember to do so. I know I’m my own harshest critic and that only leads others to treat me that way.
Many people are finding that their true values are coming into focus more clearly what with all the changes happening. Being able to inspire oneself according to one’s values is a gift.
So, I responded to other things this year and can keep my priorities as a carry-over without feeling like a failure. The exercise/physical therapy thing which I’ve mentioned. My body is not my slave, I’m just going for feeling safe and at home in it.
Art has been important to me all my life and I’ve gone decades without drawing or painting. I dream about it. Last year I finally painted two small pieces and began a third. I had forgotten everything and it was awkward. My fingers are often stiff and my hands sometimes shake. It was a messy thing to do in my small apartment. Yet, I want to continue to do it. So yes, it’s on my list of goals again.
Making a big deal of it or taking it too seriously is not the point. It’s just some direction and structure.
Following Through
December 20, 2010 at 5:55 pm (beginnings, life, personal, Uncategorized)
Tags: goals, nutmeg, online gaming
Today I followed through on creating a Word document listing my goals for the new year. This is unusual for me. I wasn’t raised to do that. The environment I grew up in was chaotic and dysfunctional and professional people have sometimes asked me if my parents were alcoholics.
Later in life, goal setting wasn’t talked about to me by the hip, cool people I would have liked to be one of. Others just seemed to magically know how to accomplish things.
Then came decades of being overwhelmed and knocked about by life and there seemed to be no point in setting goals. Really, I’m just now learning how to do this in my mid-50’s.
I read over the list I made last year, which I forgot about most of the year. My current list is more realistic and more well-rounded. It’s also more about what I really want rather than what I think I should want.
It leaves plenty of room for the life that will happen while I’m working on these plans and goals.
Some updates on things I’ve blogged about recently: The nutmeg grinder came today and I was able to use it. It had little whole nutmegs with it but the organic ones I bought recently look better. I ground a bit and put it in my second cup of coffee. It smelled divine but I couldn’t taste it as much–maybe because of the brandy I put in my first cup of coffee?
I’ve eaten all the gluten-free cookies I made from a mix the other day. I may have had a bit of trouble from the yeast that was in them but I’d make them again.
The FooPets gaming site I enjoy is still having drama and emotional members aree still leaving in droves but I’m still going to hang in there for awhile and enjoy it as much as I can.
The folks who did the documentary Victorian Farm that I enjoyed so much have also done one called Victorian Pharmacy. Something for me to look forward to.
Recently I was told that by writing down goals, I’m letting God, my higher self and my personality know what I want and that it does make a difference. Now that I feel more steady on my feet again, I’d like to bring things to the completion cycle more often–or acknowledge to myself that I want to let something go because I’ve received all the value I believe I’ll get from the situation.
Goals for the New Year
December 19, 2010 at 7:32 pm (beginnings, life, personal)
Tags: goals
I worked on the list today. No, I’m not going to post them all. That doesn’t seem to work for me.
The last time I let other people know about a goal was when I’d worked really hard to do my physical therapy exercises so I could walk without my cane a few months ago. (I’ve fired my physical therapist a few years ago.) I was so proud. My muscles and balance were better but then my nervous system began protesting and I’ve needed my cane ever since. I was embarrassed I even called attention to my temporary achievement.
It’s on my list for this year but it’s walking without the cane at least half the time and I have until the end of the year. I’m not telling real life people either.
I’m going to begin my year on the 21st–the solstice. It feels like less pressure and I like the idea of it being the shortest day of the year and then slowly getting more daylight everyday.
Goal setting is difficult for me. I change my mind often.
Also I’m having one of those difficult lives. There were a few years during the middle of this decade where I was blindsided by unbelievable chaos and loss and then I spent a few years burned out ummm….yeah.
It was all about getting through it.
Now, I’m thinking it’s time to at least write down the goals. It helped this last year.
The ones that I failed the most at was taking up art again and exercise, which for me is stretching and alignment exercises. They are on the list again.
I don’t do resolutions. I do word-of-the-year, something I learned from Christine Kane. She’s a singer/songwriter who became a coach. I liked it when she was more of a creativity coach instead of the business focus she has now. Oh, word-of-the-year. I’ll blog about it soon.
Anyway, today I worked on goals and the list seems to be thorough and flexible and it leaves room for the delicious things that come along.
In a way my life is the same as last year and then again, I’m doing things now that weren’t even on my radar then.
I’m calling it a successful year. Lots of inner growth, which is impossible to quantify and explain.
Will There Be a Harvest?
December 5, 2010 at 9:09 pm (beginnings, blogging)
Tags: beginnings, blogging
A fresh, new Blog! This isn’t my first one, although it’s the most serious-looking one I’ve started.
Usually begun with a sense of inspiration, purpose and ease–then other aspects of life step up with assertive calls for my attention away from regular posting.
Experienced bloggers sometime recommend that a new blogger have a stash of posts lined up in the beginning. That was considered. I noticed hesitation in doing it that way too.
Completion and follow-through are important. Sometimes it’s simply the learning and the journey that is valuable and bittersweet. Every little thing we choose has an effect.
When months would go by with no comments in my previous blogs elsewhere, it sometimes felt like I was engaging in yet another real world exercise in futility. I rarely posted comments too—it felt kind of creepy. That may have been those platforms though.
It’s a quiet Sunday afternoon. There’s a blanket of snow on the ground. The moon is new and I’ll begin a new blog.
This isn’t a challenge to the relative harmony of my life.
In Grace on the River Paths 