Pain, Fungus, Death Hmmmph!

There was a pinkish red sky and snow on the ground when I got up this morning. Later it melted and the air felt fresh when I went out to do some shopping.

At first it was difficult to walk because I had nerve pains in my feet and legs. They would suddenly shoot and my legs would kind of collapse but I leaned on my cane and kept going. I’m used to it and have lost a lot of self-consciousness and embarrassment. When I consciously get a rhythm going, I walk much better.

I make different choices from lots of people. I don’t take any pain meds. That may be why I used to space out and distance myself from my body but I am too concerned about my organs to take drugs. I won’t even take over the counter stuff now. The discomfort always passes and I’m convinced that it’s part of getting well.

When I had emergency oral surgery several years ago, I was given generic Vicodin. Two days after I had to fly to the Midwest to clean out my mom’s house after her death. It was scary being away from my health care providers in my hometown where I felt alone and vulnerable. In a weird coincidence there were other funerals I had to attend there in amongst paperwork and such.

This was a year after my younger sister died. I’d taken care of her the last six months of her life, staying in her apartment in the small town she lived in, away from my home in Colorado. (This was all during several years of hell where an unbelievable amount of other stuff happened too which is why anyone who has an attitude that I’m a whiny victim can shut up and get out of my life.)

Anyway, I did take all the pain meds but not for jaw pain. I just wanted to take the edge off. I could totally understand how people can get addicted and when they wore off I felt irritable and negative. There was just enough experience with it for me to decide it was a bad way to go.

Now when I have pain, I go to bed and use a far infrared heating pad. I’m not so sure that’s good when my hip joints feel inflamed but it isn’t addictive and doesn’t damage my liver. Different choices than what some would make but I believe it’s right for me.

So today I got the skillet that’s non-toxic and am looking forward to a diet that is not only gluten-free but for awhile excludes all grains–anything that starves fungus. Mycotoxins are produced by fungus, which is rampant in our grain supply. Sorry if that grosses you out.

This diet is fairly simple but all the recipes in the cook books I have are for serving six or eight people. It’s just me that I cook for. Also they are expensive–like lobster and expensive cuts of beef. I’ve been creative though and have converted enough of the recipes that I think I can do this without feeling deprived. Part of my strategy is to not do it 100% so that a healing crisis is not so severe. Quality of life during this time is important. I also got chocolate ice cream today which is a rare treat.

This diet change is one of my goals and it has my interest right now, more so than the writing and art goals. That’s O.K. It won’t hold my focus so much for long and then I’ll need something else. I’m kind of moving toward my goals in a crab-like way instead of a linear way.

Of course, I am concerned about my future and would prefer to be healthy, employed and having the energy to be more engaged in life. But I know I’m doing the best that I can. Every day I read harsh remarks online made by people who are clueless and judgmental about other people. I’ll just let that go for now.

I guess this was kind of another rambling post but it’s what’s up for me.

Saturday would be my sister’s birthday.



  1. February 18, 2011 at 7:13 am

    So sorry for your losses…but it’s obvious that what you’ve gone through has made you a very strong person…so kudos to you for that.

    Also I can relate to your frustration about cookbooks and recipes always being geared toward families. It makes creative cooking for one or two very difficult. I’m going to break out my new crock pot this weekend and I think that I am just going to start freezing a lot of things!

    • silvercannon said,

      February 18, 2011 at 9:02 am

      Thanks Melissa. It has certainly made me less likely to indulge whiners for long. Most of the people who complain to me have way more and an easier life than I do. When meeting new people, I notice if they’re generally focused on problems or on solutions/appreciation.

      I have an old cookbook from back in the low-fat craze days called Healthy Cooking For Two (or just you) by Francis Price, R.D. that was helpful when I was first teaching myself to cook.

      When I first began using the slow cooker I thought it was a waste of time to brown meat first and was lazy about using spices. But I’ve since learned that browning seals in flavor and that careful use of spices and herbs make a huge difference. It seems true that people’s taste buds change with age.

      Also, I am now careful what I store frozen food in, glass with lids that don’t have that bad stuff in the plastic.

  2. February 18, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    It’s definitely important to surround oneself with people who try to look to the positive in life rather than dwelling upon the negative. We all go through tough times, and yes all need moments to let it out and hopefully receive a bit of comfort from friends and loved ones….but people who make it an everyday practice rather than working to put their lives back on track can drain all of us.

    On the topic of slow cookers–thanks for the tip–luckily for me I can skip that step as I’ll be mostly cooking with legumes as I don’t eat meat. I have to say though that you comment about the plastic lids made me stop and think. All of my glass containers have plastic lids and I have to admit that I even use some plastic containers for storage in the fridge. I didn’t think the chemicals leached out unless the plastic was heated…am I wrong?

    • silvercannon said,

      February 18, 2011 at 2:30 pm

      There are differing opinions about the plastic containers, even when not heated. I know that bottled water (which is an environmental horror anyway) is considered risky.

      I kind of go with the rain-barrel theory about the cumulative effect of all we’re exposed to and since I have damage from environmental poisoning, I avoid as many toxins as I can.

      It sounds like you’re very health conscious–you might just want to go with how you’re feeling about it. I do a lot of research and like many other things there’s a wide spectrum of differing opinions.

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