The temperature was sixty three here today, a record breaker for my area I believe. There was a choice for me–be outdoors or stay in and be structured and goal-focused. Well.

When I’m flexible, things seem to go better. And I think I’m getting overloaded with information and inspiration and opinions again. My mind is naturally curious but most of what I read is from younger, healthier, more confident and driven people. Maybe I should just take a break and live my life without being so vigilant about it. That comes from post traumatic stress and growing up with crisis and drama. As an empath, I felt like I needed to be the lightening rod and diffuse everyone’s discomfort.

I enjoy reading blogs here but like I said, maybe I should take a break the rest of the week.

I had a paperwork meltdown today. Much of the crop insurance and farm related paperwork I deal with is boring beyond belief. The environmental poisoning that makes me look like I have MS, also affects my speech and cognitive function. I work really, really hard at not letting my current condition inconvenience others and at being accurate with my transactions with them. Even this blog–I edit, check spelling and punctuation as best I can and try to make some sense.

Today my farm bureau membership dues invoice came and there were inaccuracies again. This happens a lot and inconveniences and upsets me. It takes energy that really diminishes my day. The ironic thing is that I’m considered unemployable at this time because I can’t meet anyone’s needs, yet much of what I receive from so-called competent people is messed up. For years I worked in customer service and I don’t recall it being O.K. to have the attitude that some of these folks have.

I guess that turned into a rant? So, I’m glad I enjoyed the outdoors today. Yes, that is what I chose. This is my life, weird as it is and I want to make the most of it. That does not include pushing myself into diminishing returns.



  1. timkeen40 said,

    February 15, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    I am glad you enjoyed the outdoors as well. It is a great offset to the paperwork meltdowns.

  2. February 16, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Sitting inside with paperwork will drive anyone bonkers. A break outside is just the ticket!

    • silvercannon said,

      February 16, 2011 at 9:03 pm

      The upset with it took me by surprise. Usually I’m just resigned to bear it.

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