Showing Up

Yesterday I made a couple of trips to get groceries–two different places. It was amazing–the weather was great for this time of the year and the usual pain and stiffness was absent. Walking home from the second trip, I promised myself I would remember it the next time I felt poorly again, knowing that it would pass and this isn’t a linear journey to health.

The pain came back swiftly along with poor motor control and once again I was grateful I had made the most of my brief respite. Today there is less pain, but apathy and spaciness. It’s tempting to reach for caffeine and brandy and I would do so if there was something imperative. There isn’t and I didn’t go for the quick fix. Living with the symptoms of chronic fatigue, with the emphasis on living.

This blog isn’t intended to be a chronicle of my challenges. One thing I did, that wasn’t apparently necessary, was call a business that is making a change in their fees. No one likes to be cheap–well, some of us–but I’ve learned the hard way that there are consequences for not taking care of and demonstrating that our finances matter. Or anything else that really matters. We have to step up and advocate for ourselves. No Angels are going to do it. We must, even if we damn well don’t feel like it. Then later, when energy returns and things are looking better we won’t have to regret that we didn’t bother.

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