The Gem at the End

The quality of discernment is worth cultivating. It adds ease, efficiency and flow among other things, to our lives. Our individual balances differ from each other and they fluctuate constantly. I’m getting more bang from my effort lately by paying attention to nuances rather than the grosser (for lack of an immediate better word) activities. How about you?

Some things are diversions and time-wasters for sure but sometimes a practice can feel that way as a kind of resistance. Like when you’re a kid and you just know that brushing your teeth is a total waste of time that could be spent doing something more fun.

Morning pages (from Julia Cameron) is a practice that has been very valuable for me and can also seem questionable–a waste of time and paper. Not so. For another to read what I’ve written in the three pages of longhand each morning, it would certainly seem so.

When I grow as a writer and blogger, I could look at what’s been written and take the good stuff, do some editing and post it here. But I’m not there yet and I like this being kind of an organic thing, not pushing myself too hard. It might be different for you. When you get glimmers of your leading edge, do you like to seize the moment?

This morning I was writing (drivel) along, mostly about my day and what I “should” do and what I felt like doing and (not doing), kind of pleased that I’d shown up again for the three brain-dump pages and I noticed I was at the point where I had two lines on the yellow legal-pad page left. Something I heard about therapy flashed through my mind–that lots of times the client beats around the bush for most of the session and then blurts out a deeper truth just when the session ends, when they can then leave–or escape.

I’d been writing about the weather and at the last line and a half, I abruptly switched to a different topic–as an empath, much of what I’m doing here and elsewhere in my life is to convince myself that I actually do exist as an individual. Wow–that is a subtle but also big deal to me.

Most of us can’t afford years of therapy and many wouldn’t choose it even if they could. Do they wait until something hits them over the head enough times? Maybe those who actively look for change are really in a minority from those who really want the status quo. Me, I want to embrace growth and change and writing morning pages is a welcome tool for that.