Home Frequency

Well, this is an odd little sort of post that might have you rolling your eyes if you continue reading.

I ditched my goals and schedule today. Yes, I’ve been doing well considering my health challenges and no, I had no real reason. I’m thinking maybe it’s because of the new moon tomorrow. Through the years I’ve noticed that the full and new moons really do affect me. Usually before a new moon I’ll feel kind of empty like something is over, no matter what kind of strategic plan I’ve tried to overlay the natural flow of my life with. Then I sometimes get a wild hair to begin something new a day or two in. In fact, I began this blog on a new moon back in December.

Anyway, I missed my core home frequency. I’ve been stretching myself, traveling the land of objective reality more and building up stamina in focusing and I was feeling a little homesick. So, I gathered in on myself, puttering around in my pajamas and taking naps. It felt great. In a calm, relaxed way. This was before I knew the new moon is tomorrow.

Lately, I don’t get to travel and so I traveled in spirit to places around the country that I felt at home in. It was summer in those places, when in real life they are expecting this huge winter snowstorm right now. It was like my real home base except more hopeful and lighter than the last time I intentionally checked in during my waking hours.

It could have been my secret. No one would need to know or care that I was arguably lazy and slothful today. But this is what I dreamed of all those years when I was overworked, had so many demands made on me and felt like I was backed into a corner. Being pecked to death by ducks. Running the gauntlet in lead boots and a heavy back pack. Having a varied chorus of yammering and yakking people wanting my attention. From one extreme to another. If I wouldn’t have been so ill and almost died, I would never give myself permission to rest now.

It’s fear of my future that pushes me to reinvent myself most days. I am not sure if I need to reinvent myself or remember who I really am–it’s more of a survival thing. And some days it’s a genuine appreciation and curiosity about life that gets me going when I have the energy. But today I chose to rest and also really want to show up here at my blog again. It was a good first day of the second month of 2011.