Three Weeks In

Sometimes I’m hyper-aware of my environment and other times I’m on auto-pilot and distanced from what I’m doing. I’ve been busy the last few days and my living room was really messy from not putting things away. A little while ago I noticed that as I was sorting through and organizing the strewn around stuff, I was doing it in semi-darkness. It was more difficult but I really didn’t want to turn the lights on. It’s the sort of thing I get questioned about and don’t have an answer for.

I’ve been doing lots of problem-solving of minor glitches–they have been numerous–and I noticed I was emotionally handling it rather well. That’s a clue that my adrenals are being nourished again. When I’m irritable and easily frustrated, they are overtaxed. The ashwagandha herbs I’m taking are working gradually. It’s an adaptogenic herb, the body will use it to balance as needed. My adrenaline is depleted and my cortisol levels are high but since I didn’t get it tested exactly I chose the adaptogenic rather than choosing something that might unbalance things more.

Also, I’ve been able to tune out a lot of drama going on around me. My world has temporarily shrunk but the co-op where I buy most of my organic food is buzzing with controversy. Really, this kind of conflict is going on all around me and I’m kind of in the eye of the storm right now.

I looked at my goal list for the year a little while ago and while I haven’t followed it exactly, I feel satisfied that I’ve done well. I’ve improved my diet and stayed within my budget way better than I expected. I’ve gotten through two unsettling mini-crises. First, when I was barely able to walk for a few days and secondly, the conflict with one of the experts I consult with. As a conflict-avoiding, easy-going person who lacks self-confidence (have you noticed?) I am amazingly non-compliant when it comes to following the direction of an expert. I like to get the information and recommendation and then sit with it awhile and feel how it integrates with what I perceive to be the big picture. There must be some passive quality about me that makes those folks want to take over my life (that’s what if feels like) and they usually appear to take it personally that I don’t just follow along. Looking back, many times I’ve been right. I’m the expert on me as a whole person. Maybe because I’m usually not able to be articulate immediately and seem kind of spacey they don’t really understand how careful I really am.

The information I’ve read recently about the neuroplasticity of the brain has been encouraging. I’m doing things that I’ve been told were highly unlikely for me. Whatever it looks like to the experts, I’m the one in here aware of the teensy nuances and subtle differences while I navigate through difficulties. That may be why I’ve become so reluctant to have expectations of how other people should live–the expectations and suggestions people have for me are usually wrong. I used to like to try to fix people and finally got what a futile endeavor that is.

After being engaged in the above recently, it was nice to just putter around and organize things. Now it will be easier to get going in the morning.

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