When Other People Grow

Relationships are constantly changing, people grow and it isn’t all in Grace, all the time.
When people are behaving dysfunctionally and we call them out, they aren’t going to change simply because we know what they’re up to. First they must have an awareness and then they must want to change and this is all a process.
We all know what it’s like when the dynamics of a relationship change–adjustments have to be made.
What surprises me is when someone I’ve looked up to and consider an expert, one who handles everything in an awesome and cool way, ups their game and the usual prickly, uncomfortable, awkward energy is broadcast just as it is from us lesser mortals. Especially when they don’t achieve instant mastery of the new growth they are incorporating.
People striving really hard and striding forward at a brisk pace–well, I try to stay out of their way. People becoming more assertive and empowered can be quite unpleasant to be around and while supporting them in theory, I like to back away and give them space and dodge whatever might be flying around. I tend to walk on eggshells around them and watch to see if it takes.
When I make these kinds of evolving changes, I am somewhat sneaky about it, rather apologetic and hope I don’t make too many waves. The amusing thing is that it often isn’t noticed in the outside world very much. I also need to be careful that I don’t judge myself for not having the awareness sooner and feel embarrassed that others were aware of my previous shortcomings. Of course, these other people aren’t paying that much attention–they have their own stuff to pay attention to.
I’m not totally clear about what my point is here. I am an empath and can feel how it feels when other people make these changes (when I’m not careful) and I’m noticing it more lately. It’s distracting and it takes work on my part to come up with an appropriate response.
One thing I’m not, is fast on my feet when it comes to verbal communication. Not being on the same wavelength as many folks, it often takes longer for me to process what they’re saying and how it jives with what they’re energetically broadcasting. As a conflict-avoider I certainly don’t want to push any buttons.
So back to the recent encounter with a professional who apparently has made a great leap as far as goals go–the person who prompted this reflection–I am reminding myself that it’s all about them and not so much about me.
It’s confusing, almost like dealing with someone who’s possessed, to have new territory and rules when you haven’t gotten the memo, to find oneself in a new landscape when you don’t have a map. When a business stays open during remodeling, there are usually “pardon our progress” signs. Heck, I often (as an over-explainer) verbally tell people “please excuse my mess”. Not so with many folks.
This person is someone I’m paying and it seems to be like “figure it out yourself– hop to it!”
One of the major breakdowns for me when hiring professionals to assist me with managing my life (and yes, I mean Doctors and anyone–I give all due respect, but I am in charge of my life and they work for me) besides running out of money, is when it becomes about their timetable and pacing and reputation regarding my progression or lack thereof.
It isn’t about them. It’s about me.
The clarity about this latest instance isn’t here yet. I want to move my focus to what is within my own power to do and change instead of having this hangover my day.
Not being a mind-reader, I’ll live with the mystery and unknown of how this is going to turn out and just take care of my part in it. Which now seems to be the above-mentioned giving space and using care with my response.
It could be that people are way more resilient than I give them credit for. I just prefer civility and kindness and patience in a real and not surface, phony way.

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