Changing The How

For decades I’ve been researching and experimenting regarding living the life I want to. There’s a plethora of information out there ranging wildly around the spectrum.
People are at different levels in their evolution, the basic resources and materials they have to work with– environment, peers, hormones and events all come into play. That’s just a few layers of it.
Many well-meaning people generously share what works for them. Someone else, being wired differently, can’t really take a formula and be guaranteed success in their own life. There’s no-one-size-fits-all.
One of the more helpful things I’ve found is the concept of co-creating with the universe (or whatever you like to call it)–my taking responsibility, making choices and doing actions steps and understanding that I don’t really have mind-over-matter control and am not doing EVERYTHING myself. I’m a part of a system.
In that concept, the first steps in choosing life-creation/goal-achieving is deciding what I want and then having clarity about why I want what I want. Important.
Then comes the how, who and when. Not really in my control. Synchronicity, divine timing, “luck” and proximity are factors.
The how part is where there’s disagreement in much of what I’ve read. There are different degrees of control and structure and step following recommended by different people.
What works for others, often doesn’t work for me. This is the year that I’ve committed to trying out being more goal-oriented and objective. Learning to grow my writing, artistic, and energetic literacy skills from where I’m at right now. I wrote down the steps of how I was going to do this.
Well, hahaha, my adrenals crashed and I could not stand up straight, could barely walk and was exhausted and in a lot of pain. For several days. I’ve posted every day too—yay me!
Instead of being in Grace on a River Path, I was curled up in a fetal position in a ditch asking “Again?”
What was different this time–so I was still moving forward and upward in consciousness–was that I no longer blamed and judged myself. The more information and understanding I get about things, the more I really get it that things aren’t my fault. I do take responsibility though.
So yeah, I was compassionate with myself, understood I was safe and kind of knew what to do. And did it. Yep, there were some dark, defeated thoughts. I’m human.
I’m calling my first week of 2011 a success. It was successful in a different way than I’d planned and isn’t it almost always so?
I can keep the “what” that I’d chosen for my goals if I choose—and I do. I know why I want them.
I have to be flexible with the “how”. I don’t just mean the action steps but the way I go about it. How, as in the degree to which I pay attention to my energy and my thoughts and to the way I push myself, over give and other little ways I need to tweak my choices as I move through my day. This is not the baby steps even—it’s more of a fine tuning. Great for me to be reminded of—and so soon in the new year.
It’s important to me that I model that people with extreme challenges are valuable and can have a life worth living. They can be creative and find solutions and tools that work for them. We can know we are shining and glowing inside (in the best possible way) even though other people can’t seem to see it and are unable and unwilling to validate us.
So I made a few changes in the “how”.
It’s only when I give up that I’ve failed. Changing my mind is O.K. too. Beating a dead horse–don’t have time or energy or the inclination for that. It’s up to me.

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